Why I'm Talking About Sex

If the truth be told, very few of us (especially women) feel comfortable talking about sex.  Many of us grew up with all kinds of misconceptions of what it was, what it was used for and who could partake.

For many women, we were taught that sex was something naughty, something that could have negative consequences (getting sexual diseases or getting pregnant), something that only skanky girls did, or something that should be saved for marriage.

For men, they grew up thinking they were something special if they could have sex, the sooner the better.  They then loved to brag about it with all of their buddies (which was great for their egos but often demoralizing and embarrassing for the girls they were with). Many men were taught that the more “notches on their belt” the better.

My purpose in writing/talking about sex is to demystify the whole negative mindset surrounding sex. I want you to become more comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.  I want you to not only be able to talk about it but to actually enjoy it, preferably with someone else who feels equally comfortable with themselves.

We send our children to school for 12+ years to learn things they probably will never use (I have NEVER used Chemistry in my life since graduating from High School or College, and don’t tell me I use Chemistry when I’m cooking!! I didn’t need to struggle through Chemistry to learn how to cook!!), yet we spend very little time teaching children the skills needed to make relationships work. 

Personally, I wish more schools would incorporate classes that teach intra-personal (understanding yourself) and inter-personal (understanding others), conflict resolution and communication techniques into their programs. Those are the building blocks of great relationships. And great relationships are predecessors to great sex.

I have five children of my own (and one in Heaven). One of the reasons I’m talking about sex is that someday when my children are emotionally/physically/relationally ready I would love for them to experience mutually enjoyable relationships which include great sex. That doesn’t just magically happen.

My parenting techniques have changed from my oldest to my youngest child (there is an eleven year difference between them). With my two older kids, I didn’t feel as comfortable talking to them about sex and therefore, they are having a more difficult time with the fact that THEIR mother is talking about sex. With my three younger kids, I’m trying to incorporate it more into our daily conversations.  I will say things to my 12 year old son which help him understand what goes into pleasing a woman. (e.g. “Your future wife/girlfriend/partner will so appreciate your thoughtfulness in cleaning up after yourself and not expecting her to do that for you, so thank you for putting your dishes in the dishwasher.”)

Another reason I’m talking about sex is that I want to improve as many relationships as I can.  I want to prevent affairs from happening because emotional/sexual needs are not being met. I want to teach young people what to do BEFORE they get into relationships. I want to do this by educating men and women how to speak each other’s languages.

I have always had a natural ability to have very candid conversations with males. They feel comfortable enough with me to let me in on some of the “man code” that us women don’t understand. I want to share that information with women so they can better understand how men think.

Because I’m a woman and have lots of female friends, I know many of the struggles women experience when it comes to relating to men.

So here’s to talking about sex. If all of this makes you feel very uncomfortable, I invite you to give yourself permission to get out of your comfort zone.  I had to. And I’m glad I did.

Stacy Rothenberger, M.S. CCC-SLP, CLC

Communication Disorders Consultant

Mindset and Relationship Coach

www.lovingyourlifecoaching.com

www.morepleasureinbed.com.

Sexuality Assessment

My purpose in talking/writing about sex is to help demystify the whole negative mindset surrounding sex. I want you to become more comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.  I want you to not only be able to talk about it but to actually enjoy it, preferably with someone else who will mutually enjoy it with you.

But before we can improve something, we need to assess our current situation.

As a Life Coach, that’s what I do.  I ask people to share with me: (1)what they want, (2)what isn’t working in their lives, (3)what it is costing them to stay stuck in this situation and (4)what their lives would look like if things could change. 

So here we go. 

Take the time to answer these two questions.  Don’t rush through them.  Get a pencil right now. I mean it.  Go get a pencil and allow some time to honestly reflect on these questions and then actually write down your answers.  Don’t tell me you can answer them in your head.  Write your answers down! If you don’t, I will hunt you down and make you wish you had. Seriously.  This is something you need to do, so take my advice and do it!

(1) Describe where you are with your sex life right now. Do you hate it? Do you not have enough time for it? Do you want more of it? Are you totally repulsed by it? Are you mad that your significant other or someone else suggested you read it?  This is your time to be honest. You aren’t going to hurt my feelings, so write it down.

(2)What is your first association with sex?  How old were you?  What was happening? Who was involved? Try to write down as many of the sensual feelings you were experiencing (think 5 senses: smell, taste, sight, sound and smell) as well as the emotional feelings surrounding it (fear, shock, excitement). Some of you may have stumbled across your Father’s Playboys.  Or you caught someone in the act. How did you feel?  Take the time to write down all of the feelings/emotions/reactions/etc.

 

Believe it or not, so many of our current belief systems/mindsets/behaviors stem back to childhood.  If you are like me, and were brought up to believe that sex was something that was “naughty” or only to be used in the context of marriage, you may still be operating within that mindset.  Sex is NOT naughty.  It is a beautiful gift God gave two consenting adults who care for each other and want to experience a type of intimacy that can only happen through the combining of their bodies and souls.

I know that sex is not the most comfortable subject to talk about, yet it can be one of the most pleasurable ways of drawing two human beings together.

My hope is that by me talking about sex the following will happen: (1) more people will feel comfortable talking about it and it will become less of a taboo subject, (2) it will help educate those who don’t know much about the topic, (3) it will improve relationships which are struggling, (4) it will prevent some individuals from having to go through the pain of affairs and (5) more couples will experience mutually enjoyable relationships which includes satisfying and pleasurable sex.

Stacy Rothenberger, M.S. CCC-SLP

Certified Mindset and Relationship Life Coach

Communication Disorders Expert

Keynote Speaker

www.morepleasureinbed.com

www.lovingyourlifecoaching.com

I Love Sex

I love sex! Let me rephrase that.  I love REALLY GREAT SEX!!! But there was a time when I hated it. I endured it because I thought it was my marital duty.  But not any longer. I’m enjoying the best sex I’ve ever had in my life (in a mutually exclusive relationship) and I want to share what I’ve learned so that as many people as possible can proudly say “I LOVE SEX” as well.

Sex is on the same level as politics and religion.  No one wants to talk about it without someone getting uncomfortable. But why is it that way?  Sex has been around longer than baseball, apple pie or even grandma for that matter, but why is it that it is such a “touchy subject”? 

Forgive me for the play on words. I’ll do whatever I can to lighten this topic. I really do have a great sense of humor, if I may say so myself, so please read this with an open mind and the willingness to laugh and have fun with it.  I’m sure many of you are very nervous and afraid that someone might find out that you are reading a blog about S-E-X.  If you have to hide this little secret I give you permission to do so with the hopes that by the time you are finished, you will have the confidence to admit you are applying it in your own life.

I’m not a sex therapist or a psychologist (however, I do play one in real life. More on acting out your fantasies in a later blog; but you might not be ready for that quite yet), yet I have read hundreds of books on relationships, the differences between men and women and sexual intimacy.  Plus I’ve experienced both really great sex and incredibly unsatisfying sex so I know the difference between the two. 

I invite you to allow yourself to get over any inhibitions you may have about talking about sex and let ME the one who goes out on a limb to talk about this much needed subject. My goal is to improve as many relationships as I can, as well as helping couples experience mutually enjoyable sex. If you are interested in experiencing both, please keep reading. I want you to be able to say "I LOVE SEX"!

Stacy Rothenberger, M.S. CCC-SLP
Communication Disorders Expert
Mindset and Relationship Coach
Keynote Speaker
www.lovingyourlifecoaching.com
www.morepleasureinbed.com

Are You A Sexual Superstar?

Are you a Sexual Superstar?

1. Do you think about sex at least five times a day?

A. Never (Sex? What is sex?)

B. Sometimes (Yes, you can count the fact you are thinking about it right now in order to fill this out.)

C. Always (Go ahead and admit it, it’s hard to even focus on this questionnaire because you are thinking about sex right now)

2. Do you have mutually enjoyable sex at least three times a week?

A. Never (Sex? What is sex?)

B. Sometimes (It doesn’t count if you are doing it with yourself.)

C. Always (You lucky dog!)

3. Do you feel comfortable talking to your children about sex, which includes admitting you and your significant other are enjoying it with each other?

A. Never (Sex?  What is sex?)

B. Sometimes (No, it doesn’t count if telling them NEVER to have sex is the only thing you ever tell them about sex.)

C. Always (You don’t even blush when you tell them that the night they were conceived was the BEST night of your life.)

4. Does your significant other tell you how wonderful you are sexually and how much they enjoy being pleasured by you?

A. Never (Sex? Who said I was having sex?)

B. Sometimes (No it doesn’t count if the last time they told you was the first time you had sex.)

C. Always (You lucky dog!)

5. If you have to choose between your favorite thing (not person) in the world (e.g. hobby/food/car/jewelry) or having mutually enjoyable, mind-blowing sex, would you chose sex over this one thing?

A. Never (Sex? It’s one of life’s choices? Who knew?)

B. Sometimes (Oh this is a hard one.  You know I would look so good in that cherry red corvette, eating a fudge sundae on the way to the jewelry store.)

C. Always (You are a very SMART person knowing sex is the only thing you can take with you wherever you go, well almost EVERYWHERE you go.)

6. Do you send your significant other at least 10 naughty sexts in one week?

A. Never (Sexts? What are sexts?)

B. Sometimes (“Bring me home some bread and chips on the way home from work, sexy” does NOT count.)

C. Always (I’d ask you to share some of the texts but it might make some people blush, so save it for your lover.)

7. When you finish having sex, is the first thing that runs through your mind, “That was awesome, I can’t wait to do it again!”

A. Never (Sex? When did I ever say I had sex?)

B. Sometimes (I’ll give you credit for this one if at one time sex was so awesome that you passed out first and thought about doing it again right after you maintained consciousness.)

C. Always (You might be a nymphomaniac, but that is a GOOD thing when you are with another nymphomaniac, so you just keep enjoying each other!)

8. Do you feel comfortable sharing your sexual fantasies with your significant other and then live those fantasies out with each other?

A. Never (Uhm, excuse me.  When did I ever tell you I had a sexual fantasy?)

B. Sometimes (No, it doesn’t count if you imagined yourself telling your significant other that you would like to tell them about your sexual fantasy.)

C. Always (Oooh, it’s getting very steamy in here.)

9. Do you walk around with a silly grin on your face just thinking about how good your last sexual encounter was and knowing you are the luckiest person in the whole world because your significant other is walking around with the same silly grin?

A. Never (Smile?  Who smiles?)

B. Sometimes (It doesn’t’ count if your last sexual encounter was longer than a year ago.)

C. Always (Don’t you EVER wipe that silly grin off your face young man/woman!”

10. Reading through this questionnaire has you completely turned on and makes you want to go get your significant other and make passionate love to him/her.

A. Never. (Not on your life.)

B.  Sometimes. (You are starting to get that tingly feeling but don’t know if your partner would be feeling the same way.)

C.  Always. (You’ve already texted them and are on your way to meet them!!!!!)

Scoring:

A.      Give yourself a 1 for each “A”.

B.      Give yourself a 2 for each “B”.

C.      Give yourself a 10 for each “C”.

Results:

 90-100

You are a Sexual Superstar!!

Woohoo.  I totally celebrate you!! You and your partner are rocken it out and are probably both grinning from ear to ear constantly.  The world needs more couples like you. I would like to hear from you so I can learn from you and share your secrets with the world.  You may be featured on my next newsletter!  Please contact me with your score so we can talk!!

50-90

You are a Sexual Wanna-Be.

You want to have a good sexual relationship with someone but you don’t have all the tools to make that happen (and I’m not talking “tools”, you’ve got the “tools”, I mean the strategies and knowledge you need to make a relationship work and include life-long intimacy.  You want to learn but have never met the right person you felt comfortable asking for help.  You’ve bought all of the “how-to”  magazines/books but they haven’t helped.  They don’t allow you to get honest and vulnerable about your struggles relating to the opposite sex. You want to enjoy a great relationship which includes life- long intimacy but you don’t have a clue as to how make that work. You no longer have an excuse. You have now been introduced to me and your prayers have been answered. I once was in your shoes.  I was in a marriage where we didn’t feel comfortable talking about or engaging in sex.  It was very awkward and ended up being a very “touchy” subject (sorry for the play on words).  It was suggested I go to see a Sex Therapist to see what was wrong with me. Now that I’m out of that relationship, I can see what most of our problems stemmed from, most of what was the mental crud in our heads.  I’m now on the other side of the fence and enjoying the best emotional and sexual relationship ever.  I’m here to teach you everything you need to learn to help you become a Sexual Superstar! Contact me ASAP to schedule your complimentary strategy call to see how we can make that happen.

11-50

You are Sexually Needy

It’s not your fault.  You probably grew up thinking sex was NOT something you talked about, let alone enjoyed.  There is no shame or guilt. As a man you may have learned everything you know about sex in the locker room from other 14 year old boys who were as clueless as you. Or if you are a woman, you grew up thinking sex is just something you do to get a man to choose you, marry you and get you pregnant.  It’s really not your fault.  You just need someone who grew up with all of the WRONG belief systems about sex and now is enjoying the BEST sex life ever, to educate you on how wonderful sex can be when understood, appreciated and enjoyed.  You need someone you can feel comfortable sharing with, which is one of my strengths.  Call me ASAP so we can schedule your complimentary strategy call

0-10

You are Sexually Deprived!

You are in desperate need of my help!!!  I’m surprised your sexual parts haven’t shriveled up and died. All joking aside, you probably have never had someone teach you how important sex can be in a relationship, let alone taught you all the secrets that make it a mutually enjoyable experience. There is no guilt or shame involved.  I want to help you “get out of your head so you can enjoy more pleasure in bed” by helping you reframe all of the negative belief systems you may have surrounding sex.  I want you to get yourself emotionally healthy so you can love and appreciate YOURSELF.  I want to teach you about the opposite sex and how they think/feel/act/react.  I want to help you know how to enjoy mutually enjoyable relationships which include mind altering sex.  Contact me IMMEDIATELY so we can schedule a complimentary coaching call to get you on your journey to sexual/intimacy happiness and fulfilment.

Stacy Rothenberger, MS CCC-SLP, CLC

Relationship and Mindset Coach

www.morepleasureinbed.com

Enjoying Mutually Enjoyable Relationships and Mutually Enjoyable Sex at the Same Time!

I’m on a mission. To help more couples experience mutually enjoyable relationships which includes mutually enjoyable sex!

The first part of that sentence may have piqued many women’s interest (great relationships) while the last part (mutually enjoyable sex) was what the men heard.  But what if couples could enjoy great relationships and great sex? I believe it possible to enjoy BOTH aspects. Not only am I personally enjoying it my OWN life but I have helped other couples experience it as well.

So what’s my story?  I’m so glad you asked. 

I was in a marriage for 20 years which was devoid of both aspects, a good relationship and great sex. It wasn’t because I didn’t try, I did.  I spent the entire time reading everything I could about what to do to make a relationship work.  I went to Bible Studies and Marriage Seminars. We went to counseling for over 10 years. I prayed. I read my Bible.  I tried to change myself.  I tried to do everything I could to make him happy and make it work.  And yet it didn’t.

It took several years for me to get out of the negative mindsets I had a grown up with (e.g. “Divorce is the ultimate sin. Premarital sex is forbidden. And happiness is not something we are ever allowed to experience.”)

After “breaking all of the rules” I had grown up with, I am now experiencing the kind of relationship I always dreamed of.  I am with a man I totally respect, admire and enjoy spending time with.   He values self -improvement as much as I do and is always doing whatever he can do to be the best he can be.  He values, respects and adores me and is equally attracted to me.  He allows me to be ME, yet challenges me to continue improving in all areas of my life.  He compliments me (yet never uses false flattery). He has taken care of me physically when I was at my worst. He has allowed me to shine in my own brilliance, even when I have to give others my attention instead of him. He is confident in my desire to only be with him so he wastes no time on jealousy. He has a very strong self-esteem so I do not have to try and love him enough to heal him. He is secure with himself and our relationship so we spend no time on insecurity, jealousy or sabotaging each other. He is fully capable of living without me, yet I add a new dimension to his life which he says he can’t live without.  He will listen to me for hours while I share everything I have learned or experienced. He can then add his own insight.  We can have intellectual conversations in which we both learn new things.  He has been there for me when I needed him. He has helped me through selling my house, moving, losing a job, making my career goals come true and parenting my children.

So he meets all of my “emotional and relational” needs for the kind of relationship I was desiring.

And yet, he meets every one of my sexual fantasies!

I’ll admit, some of us women get so caught up in what we want in a “relationship” that we tend to forget about the whole “sexual” aspect of a relationship.

That is NOT the case for me.

For the first time in my life, I get how important sex is in a relationship!

Like many women, I grew up with all of the lies such as “all men are pigs and they only want one thing” and  “sex is our way to manipulate men into getting whatever we want”.

Men, I apologize to you for those lies.  I am on a mission to help change those negative views on men and sex.

At age 48, I am not ashamed to say I have become a certified nymphomaniac. Well maybe I’m not “certified”.  I’ve never taken a class or passed any exams, yet I can’t get enough sex with my Hunka-Hunka-Burning-Love!  And he can’t get enough of me.  We are insatiable!

If I could bottle him, I think I would be a billionaire.  He is the most amazing lover.  I knew the very first time we “played” (we view sex as our adult way to play) and it lasted 3 hours that he was something special.  Not only does he do everything he can to please me out of bed, but once we are there, he goes beyond what a mortal man would do to please his woman.

Our play is beyond good.  It is so good I feel guilty keeping all of our secrets to ourselves.  After one time we played and it was so amazing, I thought to myself, “Someday I want all of my children to experience love making to be this good”. But how will they know if someone doesn’t share the secrets with them?  I wouldn’t expect them to know how to be a Doctor if someone didn’t teach them what they need to know.” So why do we expect our kids to be great lovers with no instruction.

With the encouragement of MY MAN, I wrote a book entitled, “How To Get Out of Your Head So You Can Enjoy More Pleasure in Bed” so I can share all of our secrets of enjoying both a great relationship and amazing sex.

This is not a porn site, yet if you stick with me, you may learn how to become your lover’s porn star!

Stacy Rothenberger

Certified Intimacy and Mindset Coach, Communication Disorders Expert, CLC, MS. CCC-SLP

www.morepleasureinbed.com

www.lovingyourlifecoaching.com